is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
