he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
