Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
