last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
