had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
