How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
