the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
