We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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