I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
