Do you still have your period?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize