I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
