I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
