I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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