I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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