the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
