In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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