she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
