so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
