Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
As shirtless as possible
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
