you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
