Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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