non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
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No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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