9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
