Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
