You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
