i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
