I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
