covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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