pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Do you remember whose house we're in?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
