final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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