1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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