Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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