I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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