Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
