i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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