Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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