and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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