My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
