i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
