How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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