you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
