9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
