I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
