i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
