I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
