i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
only you would photoshop your dick
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
