If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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