Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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