I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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