In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
