I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Tornado booty call.. dedication
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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