my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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