if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
