WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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