I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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