ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
