If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
