i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
