i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
