Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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