its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
