i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
