I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How does it feel to date your dad?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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