Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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