what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
