Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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