the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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