Don't make out with my wife yet
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
