once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
