i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
