It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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