Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
