Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
