did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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