Don't you send me to vm
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
