dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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