I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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