my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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