I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I intend to get homeless drunk
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
