I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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