i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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