ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize