I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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