you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
