watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize