return my video game
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I enjoy the company of your penis
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
