Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
