I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
it glows. i had to have it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
