After last night, I could never be a politician.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize