i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
