??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Michael Bay diarrhea
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
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