Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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