I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
