So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
