I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
