How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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