He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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