Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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