So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
They have beer where we have blood.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
