She's JV to your varsity
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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