Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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