its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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