I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
