If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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